Huling Tanaw

Hindi ko inisip ang kahihinatnan
Basta ang alam ko masaya ako
Ang araw ko, ang puso ko
Mas nagkakulay ang buhay ko

Sa inaraw - araw na dumaan
Lang humpay na text dito chat don
At sa bawat minutong lumipas
Tanging ala-ala mo ang nagpapa-ngiti

Nangibabaw ang saya sa pag-aalinlangan
Mas lumutang ang pagmamahal
Naramdaman nang buong puso
Pag -ibig na sabi nga'y wagas

Ilang taon rin ang lumipas
Away bati, on and off
Marami rin pinagsaluhan
Mga pangarap na binuo

Pangarap na hinangad ng aking puso
Na sana'y wag matatapos
Dahil ang magkalayo'y di naisin
Pagkat mundo'y didilim

Ang bawat araw na dumaan
Magdamagang kwentuhan
Lambingan walng kaparis
Sapantaha ko ang sakit

Alam kong darating ang araw na
Marahil ang lahat ay isang panaginip
Maganda sa simula
Masakit at masalimuot sa huli

Yun araw na  nagising sa katotohanan
Ang lahat marahil ay katakata
Ang tayo'y di puwede
Isang pangarap na maglalaho

Di na malalaman ang kahihinatnan
Tanging sa puso'y ipipinta na lamang
Pagmamahal na tinuran busilak
Na sa huli'y nalanta't namatay

Dito sa puso ko'y mananahan
Mga ala-ala mong kay hirap alisin
Hindi man tayo sa huli
Mananatiling Tunay na Unang Pag-ibig

Sa kahapon na nagdaan
Sa sakit na naramdaman
Malilimot mo ako batid ko
Subalit ako'y patuloy pa rin

Ang pusong tinuruan mo
Kaylanma'y di magpaparam
Pag-ibig na dalisay
Hanggang sa huling pahina ng buhay

Naghiwalay man ng may luhang
Umagos nang wala antala
Ang lahat ng sa atin'y gunitang
Uukilkil sa pusong umirog



isinulat ni:
Belle C.A. Hanzberj
3 A.M.
11th March 2013

Beats of My Heart

Before, all I can think of was...

   ... to be successful

   ... to fulfill my dreams

   ... to make my family PROUD of ME

I wanted to have everything

In perfect set up

In perfect timing

In perfect order

Never I have thought of worrying

It feels like I have my own world

I have my family

I have my friends

It seems all were just fine

I had the greatest parents

Many would believe me

They exceedingly love us

They made sure I had my education

Amidst financial instability and crisis

I thought all was fine and in order

I am happy, we are, that's what matters

But my world came crashing

My dreams came falling apart

My life were broken to pieces

I fell deep into the pit of life's reality

I thought I was strong, that I can

Many said to let go, it's her time

My heart's screaming, NO!

But my defenses were fragile

I gave up, coz all of us were hurting

I couldn't stand the reality of pain

Seein' my mother in her life and death

A part of me was dying in vain

I saw her fighting but in grossed pain

My heart's pounding, but I have to be

Strong for her and for my siblings

Tears were overflowing in misery

I have my options, hold on or let go

Between life or death, I prayed

She'll undergo for second operation

I couldn't withstand anymore

I asked her, and soon her body gave up

Her spirit is fighting, but I know

It's time to let her go

And to send her back home

When my mom died, all will be different

They told me everything will be fine

All will still gonna be the same,

And I believe so, I held on to that

My life goes on without directions

The smooth sailing life I once knew

It slowly drifting apart

All were put on hold...

I tried to be fine and strong

All were just fine, for my siblings

But deep inside me, I am falling

My source of strength was gone

Its been more than six years by now

Many things have had happen

That change my perspective in life

My heart's half filled and half empty

Now... all I can think of is...

   ... where will I start again?

   ... when will I have my life back?

   ... how will I take that leap of faith?

Those lingering memories of hospital days

Kept on taunting me, haunting me for years

It is the responsibility of making decision

Do I failed? Shall I continue to fail all over again?

I've totally let her go knowing she's happily home

My heart's longing will forever be implanted

In every pulsating moments of my life

Missing my mom will always be a tear to cry

In this very moment... I loved the ME

As much as my mom would have taught me to

I am no perfect, always sick and weak

But with a heart full of love and wisdom

Once she told me I have so many hang ups

That I have to be patient and hope

For then I will be courageous to face life's trials

With faith in my heart, I will never gone wrong

Her thoughts of passing and me moving on

Is the hardest part I ever encounter

It took me years to recover and stand still

Each time I stumble, I looked up to her

Constantly, reminding me that I already gone thru alot

Whenever I thought of quitting, she always tap me

I have the right hand to choose my very own life

She will always be there to support me

Just like what we have the very last time,

I chose to gave up everything to her

Lift it all up to God, and light came down

My heart let her go, and all these time, She's with me

This very time of the year were all were out and about

Lost in the midst of my humiliation and tribulation

I found the beating of my heart, fighting for life

And the least thing I'll know, I will find the key

written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

7th March 2013

[Remembering my mom will always put me into tears but at the end of our conversation, I know, wherever she is right now, she always listens and know, she gives a beautiful smile in my face. Time will gone too fast too soon, what my heart knows best, there's no time at all nor space that will hinder us to be TOGETHER. To feel my mother's love even far beyond horizons, it gives me life. It always reminds me the day I was born and gave her reasons to live. For that, I have all the reasons to live my life... Until we meet again. 

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, Mama]

Hinga

Ngayon ay ramdam ko ulit ang sakit

Sakit na nais ko nang sukilin

Sa kaibuturan ay nais manlaban

Subalit ramdam na ang panghihina

Ang sakit nang aking ulo 

Doon nagsimula marahil

Pakiramdam ko'y bagsak

Katawan'y nanlulupaypay

Di maramdaman ano nga ba ito?

Nanlalamig, naiinitan

Mga paa't kamay namanhid

Andyan mamaluktot, dumiretso

Di ko na malaman gagawin

Binabalot ng panghihina

Buo kong katauhan

Sa aking rosaryo kumapit

Sa pagsapit ng dilim

Nalampasan ang pagususkang

Mula paggising'y hinalang

Buong aking lakas

Di mawawaan pakiramdam

Sobrang sakit ng likod

Parang kinakayod kalooban

Dibdib'y kaybigat, nasasaktan

Sa aking mga mata'y lantay

Kalungkutan, kahinaan

Mamasdan lamang kapatid ko

Sa kabilang ibayo't nakangiti

Nagpapamalas ng lakas

Sa kalooban kong gustong

Bumitaw at mamahinga

Pilit hinahabol hininga

di ko na alintana, hika o hindi

Sa puso ko'y nananahan lamang

Pag-aalalang abot sa Pinas

Andito man ako sa banyagang lupa

Abot panalangin puso kong dumadatal

Nawa'y haplusin aking katawang lupa

Nang mapagmahal na Kamay ni Hesus

Pagalingin, Pahupain sakit dulot'y luha

Sa kalooban ko'y naghuhumiyaw

Katawa'y pinakatatatagang lubos

Manahan sana kalinga ni Ina

Alumpihit mga luhang nais umalpas

Sa bawat buntong hininga

Hiling ko't dasal ay mapayapang

Pamamaalam sa king mga mahal

Lalo sa aking pinakamamahal na Tisay

Sa huling hagod sa buhay

Mamasdan't madinig lamang

Malungkot mang di na maramdaman

Sa puso ko'y mananahan

Salamat! Salamat! Salamat!

Magkalayo man ngayon

Isang araw'y magkakasama rin

Aking pagkahihintayin muli

isinulat ni:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

2nd March 2013

12:42AM