ThougHts of Reality

I thought I have already forgotten the reality of the situation

I thought I already have put it aside, way beyond my reach

But I guess the more I try to hide and avoid it

The more it comes naturally pressing me to the fullest

Of alarming dismay, wishful thinking its a bad dream

Do I have any choice by now?

What will I do? Knowing that either way

I will end up in so much pain

I have so many apprehensions and fears

That I could only wish its still a dream

But I have to face the truthfulness of my reality

As I have been running from it for many many years now

I tried to run again but I guess this time

I have to stay put and held myself on the ground

With full of faith and hopes that all will be fine

After all I can figure out now that there's nothin to lose

Oh God! Forbid me for having bad vibes at times

My heart is gettin heavier as days goes by

At one point I have to look for its beating

That I felt I may have a burst out and lost it, again

I am so afraid that I can hide the tears no more

When it flows thru my eyes I can't stop all the questioning

Forgive me, I shouldn't have, I know but why me? Why now?

The reality is like a spear arrow hitting me on the spot

I should've known better, I couldn't just imagine its happening

Its like a splash of water abruptly bursting in my face

Maybe I only didn't expect it this early but I already knew

Its just like a rocket coming so fast and crashing me

More than I could endure and suppress the damage control

Sigh! Oh mighty heavens send me your angels for comfort

I've cried enough and think it too much already

That my heart and soul for 25 years maybe have had enough

For so many years I have fought it through and stayed away

Now its back again, Let me have the power of Your Love

To have the courage and strength to go thru it all

Papa God all I can do is utter my prayers and surrender

For fighting it thru is not an option anymore

Only embracing the reality that this is my life

Facing it with a lighted heart will make it more easier

For me to decide and let Thy Will Be Done

Written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

15th August 2013

1:30AM

(I couldnt sleep. I have lots of random thoughts thats boggling my mind. I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday. Afterwhich, they told me that they will do their best to get a very much earlier appointment to an orthopedic surgeon. I dont know if its good or bad, whether I will be glad or tend to be more nervous. My mind was confuse again but my heart already knows where this all leads to but deep within I AM still hoping and praying for another miracle. Thanks to Papa and Tito Gab for the ride to the hospital. At last after more than two months of being just home, I was able to get out and breathe in some air. Please utter a prayer for me. I really need HIS guidance and protection. Thank you very much!)