Silent Winter

Uphill is my wayward towards to tomorrows

A sudden pull came, have me crash into pieces

In the hush of the day comes my ever longing

As euphony as the music  is my heart's beating

In the coldest nights I ever hope to enjoy

It is when I ever weep and creep in misery

Hidden in the dark alley of reverie

All that I could muster is melancholy

Winter days came passing by in silent retreat

A staggering moment to brook is to surmount

In every drapes of sorrow is a glimpse of joy

For every Hi's and encouragement they say

In every tingling pains' sprung of hope

In every fallen tears' healing so deserve

Written by:

Joie de Vivre

20th August 2013

(The picture here is a photo scene one winter day in Mole Creek, a town in Tasmania Australia.

I do not own the copyright of the said photo.

I do arrange some photo editing for my own conviction for my poem.)

ThougHts of Reality

I thought I have already forgotten the reality of the situation

I thought I already have put it aside, way beyond my reach

But I guess the more I try to hide and avoid it

The more it comes naturally pressing me to the fullest

Of alarming dismay, wishful thinking its a bad dream

Do I have any choice by now?

What will I do? Knowing that either way

I will end up in so much pain

I have so many apprehensions and fears

That I could only wish its still a dream

But I have to face the truthfulness of my reality

As I have been running from it for many many years now

I tried to run again but I guess this time

I have to stay put and held myself on the ground

With full of faith and hopes that all will be fine

After all I can figure out now that there's nothin to lose

Oh God! Forbid me for having bad vibes at times

My heart is gettin heavier as days goes by

At one point I have to look for its beating

That I felt I may have a burst out and lost it, again

I am so afraid that I can hide the tears no more

When it flows thru my eyes I can't stop all the questioning

Forgive me, I shouldn't have, I know but why me? Why now?

The reality is like a spear arrow hitting me on the spot

I should've known better, I couldn't just imagine its happening

Its like a splash of water abruptly bursting in my face

Maybe I only didn't expect it this early but I already knew

Its just like a rocket coming so fast and crashing me

More than I could endure and suppress the damage control

Sigh! Oh mighty heavens send me your angels for comfort

I've cried enough and think it too much already

That my heart and soul for 25 years maybe have had enough

For so many years I have fought it through and stayed away

Now its back again, Let me have the power of Your Love

To have the courage and strength to go thru it all

Papa God all I can do is utter my prayers and surrender

For fighting it thru is not an option anymore

Only embracing the reality that this is my life

Facing it with a lighted heart will make it more easier

For me to decide and let Thy Will Be Done

Written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

15th August 2013

1:30AM

(I couldnt sleep. I have lots of random thoughts thats boggling my mind. I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday. Afterwhich, they told me that they will do their best to get a very much earlier appointment to an orthopedic surgeon. I dont know if its good or bad, whether I will be glad or tend to be more nervous. My mind was confuse again but my heart already knows where this all leads to but deep within I AM still hoping and praying for another miracle. Thanks to Papa and Tito Gab for the ride to the hospital. At last after more than two months of being just home, I was able to get out and breathe in some air. Please utter a prayer for me. I really need HIS guidance and protection. Thank you very much!)

Notes to Love

Years have gone too fast

I've tried to swayed the memoirs

And have the present to last

Yet our love is a fleeting anchor

 

Each day comes to life

Drifted apart, never will be

For ours will only be a memory

That my heart will always long for

 

Every waking hour is a beat

Wherever I go, you will always be

You've taught me what love is

And I'll always be thankful for

 

It will always be a dream within a dream

Laughter only our hearts could hear

Tears only our eyes could see

Our love only us has ever known

 

It will always be a dream within a realm

Comforting arms to my tremors

Kindest heart to my pains

Unforgivable lies to your love

 

You will always gonna be my love

Dreams may have fallen apart

Own paths to cross alone

But my heart will only have one

 

One heart, one love, one beat

This time will not be ours to embrace

This moment is not ours to hold on

But tis' will only lead me to you

 

For now I will give in

Yearning for forgiveness beneath 'tis broken wings

From a distance my love creeps in silent cries

Yours is nested in the sea of my memories

 

Somewhere, Some time soon

Ours will be notes to love a lifetime

Forever playing in the hymn of our souls

Finding each other, never to let go

 

 

 

written by:

TALAHUSAY

11 April 2013

7:00PM

testing 1.2.3.

Testing my auto post syndication to facebook and twitter.

Hope this works :) yippee... fingers-crossed... :) xcited much... hahahaha xD

Sweetest Memory

This is written with so much love and remembrance on my mama's 54th Birthday. 

If only there's a wifi connection in heaven for you to receive it, but I know that wherever you are right now in God's kingdom, you will be able to read this through...

I love you so much and I surely miss you alot, Mama.

Pasasalamat, Panginoon

Maraming Salamat sa inyong lahat. Alam ng Panginoon ang lahat ng inyong mga pangalan na lubos lubos kong gustong pasalamatan. Sa bawat panalangin ko'y laman kayo nito, taos puso akong nagpapasalamat dahil kayo ang binigay sa akin para makasama ko... Maraming Salamat po Panginoon... 

What Totem Animal Am I?

Certificate: Test results What Totem Animal Are You?

For 37 % you are: You are...A WOLF! Your utmost priority is leadership and kindness. You make friends easily and steadily, learn quickly, and care about others, hurting as much as they do when they're having a hard time.
61.9083 % of 160946 Quiz participants had this profile!

You could also get this result:
For 32 % you are: You are...A DEER! You're artistic, creative, very compassionate, gentle, and kind. You like to delve into very complicated artistic activities such as drawing, sketching, or playing music. You're always there when a friend needs you.

Or even this one:
For 21 % you are: You are...AN EAGLE! You're serious, concentrated, calculating, and judging. You are a natural born leader, and can be compassionate towards close friends. You may come off rather bossy to some.

Or even this one:
For 11 % you are: You are...A BEAR! You're laid back, rather easygoing, and compassionate. You are rather unorganized, like to eat, and may be overweight. You cry over trivial matters, often, but are also there when a friend needs a laugh.
 

Take this quiz: What Totem Animal Are You?

Life is...

Life's a struggle

Digging deep

Taking its toll

Upon us

Who fall and

Stand up

Sometimes alone

Most of the time

Together

Life's a struggle

With all the miscue

All the mishaps

And misunderstandings

Sometimes it hurts

Most of the time

We learned

Life's a struggle

It bestows wisdom

Values forever clinging

Never be forgotten

Sometimes we stray

Most of the time

We are home

Life's a journey

Of pains, Of grief

Of laughter, Of joy

It's unpredictable

Unknown tomorrows

Lies ahead of us

Only the present

We take hold

Life's a journey

Of small steps

Of small talks

From there

A leap of faith

Together

We'll take

Big steps

Towards

Happy days

Life's a journey

I was a baby

You once held dear

You grow older

I'm no longer

The baby you cuddle

Instead

I will be there

Taking care of you

Life's a cycle

At the end of the day

We will meet

Our own fate

Time will run out

Till we bid adieu

Till we meet again

Life won't be like this

Without you

Who takes good care

Who provides

Who protects

Who takes the lead

Who pour out
All your heart
To win all
Our struggles
Together



A Salute to My Father!

-Belle C.A. Hanzberj

01 April 2013

3:30AM

Huling Tanaw

Hindi ko inisip ang kahihinatnan
Basta ang alam ko masaya ako
Ang araw ko, ang puso ko
Mas nagkakulay ang buhay ko

Sa inaraw - araw na dumaan
Lang humpay na text dito chat don
At sa bawat minutong lumipas
Tanging ala-ala mo ang nagpapa-ngiti

Nangibabaw ang saya sa pag-aalinlangan
Mas lumutang ang pagmamahal
Naramdaman nang buong puso
Pag -ibig na sabi nga'y wagas

Ilang taon rin ang lumipas
Away bati, on and off
Marami rin pinagsaluhan
Mga pangarap na binuo

Pangarap na hinangad ng aking puso
Na sana'y wag matatapos
Dahil ang magkalayo'y di naisin
Pagkat mundo'y didilim

Ang bawat araw na dumaan
Magdamagang kwentuhan
Lambingan walng kaparis
Sapantaha ko ang sakit

Alam kong darating ang araw na
Marahil ang lahat ay isang panaginip
Maganda sa simula
Masakit at masalimuot sa huli

Yun araw na  nagising sa katotohanan
Ang lahat marahil ay katakata
Ang tayo'y di puwede
Isang pangarap na maglalaho

Di na malalaman ang kahihinatnan
Tanging sa puso'y ipipinta na lamang
Pagmamahal na tinuran busilak
Na sa huli'y nalanta't namatay

Dito sa puso ko'y mananahan
Mga ala-ala mong kay hirap alisin
Hindi man tayo sa huli
Mananatiling Tunay na Unang Pag-ibig

Sa kahapon na nagdaan
Sa sakit na naramdaman
Malilimot mo ako batid ko
Subalit ako'y patuloy pa rin

Ang pusong tinuruan mo
Kaylanma'y di magpaparam
Pag-ibig na dalisay
Hanggang sa huling pahina ng buhay

Naghiwalay man ng may luhang
Umagos nang wala antala
Ang lahat ng sa atin'y gunitang
Uukilkil sa pusong umirog



isinulat ni:
Belle C.A. Hanzberj
3 A.M.
11th March 2013

Beats of My Heart

Before, all I can think of was...

   ... to be successful

   ... to fulfill my dreams

   ... to make my family PROUD of ME

I wanted to have everything

In perfect set up

In perfect timing

In perfect order

Never I have thought of worrying

It feels like I have my own world

I have my family

I have my friends

It seems all were just fine

I had the greatest parents

Many would believe me

They exceedingly love us

They made sure I had my education

Amidst financial instability and crisis

I thought all was fine and in order

I am happy, we are, that's what matters

But my world came crashing

My dreams came falling apart

My life were broken to pieces

I fell deep into the pit of life's reality

I thought I was strong, that I can

Many said to let go, it's her time

My heart's screaming, NO!

But my defenses were fragile

I gave up, coz all of us were hurting

I couldn't stand the reality of pain

Seein' my mother in her life and death

A part of me was dying in vain

I saw her fighting but in grossed pain

My heart's pounding, but I have to be

Strong for her and for my siblings

Tears were overflowing in misery

I have my options, hold on or let go

Between life or death, I prayed

She'll undergo for second operation

I couldn't withstand anymore

I asked her, and soon her body gave up

Her spirit is fighting, but I know

It's time to let her go

And to send her back home

When my mom died, all will be different

They told me everything will be fine

All will still gonna be the same,

And I believe so, I held on to that

My life goes on without directions

The smooth sailing life I once knew

It slowly drifting apart

All were put on hold...

I tried to be fine and strong

All were just fine, for my siblings

But deep inside me, I am falling

My source of strength was gone

Its been more than six years by now

Many things have had happen

That change my perspective in life

My heart's half filled and half empty

Now... all I can think of is...

   ... where will I start again?

   ... when will I have my life back?

   ... how will I take that leap of faith?

Those lingering memories of hospital days

Kept on taunting me, haunting me for years

It is the responsibility of making decision

Do I failed? Shall I continue to fail all over again?

I've totally let her go knowing she's happily home

My heart's longing will forever be implanted

In every pulsating moments of my life

Missing my mom will always be a tear to cry

In this very moment... I loved the ME

As much as my mom would have taught me to

I am no perfect, always sick and weak

But with a heart full of love and wisdom

Once she told me I have so many hang ups

That I have to be patient and hope

For then I will be courageous to face life's trials

With faith in my heart, I will never gone wrong

Her thoughts of passing and me moving on

Is the hardest part I ever encounter

It took me years to recover and stand still

Each time I stumble, I looked up to her

Constantly, reminding me that I already gone thru alot

Whenever I thought of quitting, she always tap me

I have the right hand to choose my very own life

She will always be there to support me

Just like what we have the very last time,

I chose to gave up everything to her

Lift it all up to God, and light came down

My heart let her go, and all these time, She's with me

This very time of the year were all were out and about

Lost in the midst of my humiliation and tribulation

I found the beating of my heart, fighting for life

And the least thing I'll know, I will find the key

written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

7th March 2013

[Remembering my mom will always put me into tears but at the end of our conversation, I know, wherever she is right now, she always listens and know, she gives a beautiful smile in my face. Time will gone too fast too soon, what my heart knows best, there's no time at all nor space that will hinder us to be TOGETHER. To feel my mother's love even far beyond horizons, it gives me life. It always reminds me the day I was born and gave her reasons to live. For that, I have all the reasons to live my life... Until we meet again. 

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, Mama]

Hinga

Ngayon ay ramdam ko ulit ang sakit

Sakit na nais ko nang sukilin

Sa kaibuturan ay nais manlaban

Subalit ramdam na ang panghihina

Ang sakit nang aking ulo 

Doon nagsimula marahil

Pakiramdam ko'y bagsak

Katawan'y nanlulupaypay

Di maramdaman ano nga ba ito?

Nanlalamig, naiinitan

Mga paa't kamay namanhid

Andyan mamaluktot, dumiretso

Di ko na malaman gagawin

Binabalot ng panghihina

Buo kong katauhan

Sa aking rosaryo kumapit

Sa pagsapit ng dilim

Nalampasan ang pagususkang

Mula paggising'y hinalang

Buong aking lakas

Di mawawaan pakiramdam

Sobrang sakit ng likod

Parang kinakayod kalooban

Dibdib'y kaybigat, nasasaktan

Sa aking mga mata'y lantay

Kalungkutan, kahinaan

Mamasdan lamang kapatid ko

Sa kabilang ibayo't nakangiti

Nagpapamalas ng lakas

Sa kalooban kong gustong

Bumitaw at mamahinga

Pilit hinahabol hininga

di ko na alintana, hika o hindi

Sa puso ko'y nananahan lamang

Pag-aalalang abot sa Pinas

Andito man ako sa banyagang lupa

Abot panalangin puso kong dumadatal

Nawa'y haplusin aking katawang lupa

Nang mapagmahal na Kamay ni Hesus

Pagalingin, Pahupain sakit dulot'y luha

Sa kalooban ko'y naghuhumiyaw

Katawa'y pinakatatatagang lubos

Manahan sana kalinga ni Ina

Alumpihit mga luhang nais umalpas

Sa bawat buntong hininga

Hiling ko't dasal ay mapayapang

Pamamaalam sa king mga mahal

Lalo sa aking pinakamamahal na Tisay

Sa huling hagod sa buhay

Mamasdan't madinig lamang

Malungkot mang di na maramdaman

Sa puso ko'y mananahan

Salamat! Salamat! Salamat!

Magkalayo man ngayon

Isang araw'y magkakasama rin

Aking pagkahihintayin muli

isinulat ni:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

2nd March 2013

12:42AM

Mi Soledad

My human strength is as fragile as a porcelain

I easily ditch off in every wrong turn

Take hold of my inside emotion

Took me days to get back on track

Time is a nemesis

No turning back, no rewinds

But never be forlorn

For it is a moment to own

Chance where I embrace the me

Where thoughts freely runs thru

No pressure, No stress

But only finding peace

It is within me

I find my solace

Alone was I,

But never will be disarray

The music that plays

Comes along with every beats

Of my heart's longing

For tranquil sense of living

Inside me lives a treasure

Recuerdos I'll always cherish

Forever will be grateful

For all the goods & bads

Alone was I, indeed

Yet surrounded with

Calm surrender

Of a heart's desire

To live in the warmth embrace

Of My Creator

Who never forget

To fill me with HIS endless love

There, alone was I

Filled with gracious hymns

Of blessings and peace

Surety of My Guardian Angel

In desolation

I find my solace

Time will be my friend

In the end it found the "ME"

written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

26 February 2013

12:23AM

24/7 in LOVE

I've just finished watching this tagalog movie. I kinda like it especially the part of Bea and Zanjoe love story. hahaha xD kaloka!!! It's funny, and very light movie. I've been moved with the story of Pipoy and Jomar and Ayie. I remembered my sister. :) Story of Kimerald showed how young love has possibility that it will end to true love. (Nakikita ko pa rin ke Gerald si Budoy hehehe). Funny story was with Sam & Pokwang, hahaha ang ganda ni pokie sa movie. I appreciated her simple and glam comebeauty... :) Not like much the story of Diet & Maja, di bagay kay Diet haha... (pero me naalala ako... mommy at daddy... hahaha xD). Bitin much ako sa story ni JL and Angelica P. with Coco Martin... Well, gwapo talaga si Coco... Sya na talaga! hahaha.. xD The ending of the movie is nice. I smiled talaga. I admired the writers of this movie on how they make all the story meets in the end. In fairness ah, me bagong loveteam ang ABS ke Daniel P and Kathryn. :-)

Ohh well... While watching the movie, I can't help but reminisced. hehehe

Anyways, What will I do if the world will really end??? Tough yet simple question... (gulo ba? hehe)

For me, I want to spend it with my family especially with Tisay and Rj with me. My lone childhood dream was "To be together with my family -- My siblings with our parents; in a simple yet relaxing happy vacation or just at home all day all week long..." It's a bitter sweet togetherness when it did happened, cos when at last my father came back from abroad, it was my mom who bids farewell forever to us. It was only few hours then that I've felt of having our family complete after all of the struggles we've gone through. FEW HOURS of togetherness, of completeness before mama passed away. And those hours was the most unforgettable moment of my life. For after battling through tough times of our lives since my Lolo passed away in 2000 and then my Lola in 2005; there's more that besets me -- the passing of my mother unexpectedly. During those passing of my grandparents, I withstood all the pains as I have my mom with me to be my strength and my hope and dreams. But when she left me, everything went out, shattered, all was black and white. It took me 6 years to finally accept the fact and reality that she's gone and won't be here anymore with me. Finally, my heart learned to let go. It will take me to forever remembering how fortunate I am that I have my Mom that honed and nurtured me to the person I become. I have my own ups and downs in life, but I will always have my mother to always tap me and let me remember HOW PRECIOUS A FAMILY IS... and whether the world will end now or will never be, I will always look for OUR FAMILY that my mom and my grandparents taught me to love unconditionally and endlessly...

Lets be IN LOVE 24/7, all our lifetime. :) 
For our time has its destiny to end so lets make it a Beautiful One.

"Lalo pa't nagmamahalan kayo, aayusin mo... nang aayusin... hanggang kaya pa, hanggang kaya pang ipaglaban...lalaban... -- Elvis" (Tama at Totoo! Kasi sa LOVE, walang iwanan walang laglagan, pag nagmahal ka ng totoo, panghahawakan mo ng habang buhay)

written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj
20 February 2013
10:32 PM

House at the end of the street

I've downloaded this movie for few months now, and I've got to watched it only when I had a sleepover with the David's last Friday, 15th Feb 2013.

I thought it is kinda horror movie yet it is a mysterious feat. It has a lot of twist that you will only know when you've watched it till the very end.

My mind keep on taunting last night about it. How life's twists and turns made our mind, our body and our spirit goes. This movie is about lost and love and drugs. And about the determination to live even seeing how brutal your mother will be killed by a psychopath guy.

I will recommend this movie as it is kinda thrilling but for me not the over the top movie though it had blown my stomach away... :-D

This movie was starred by the Woman in Fire in Hunger games. She's bit chubby-ish here. She's good.

And so I am looking forward to the sequel of the Hunger games -- Catching Fire...

I had fun watching this movie when shared with friends... :-)

written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

17 February 2013

8:17 AM

Father & Son

Time is so precious

It is the jewel of life

That no one can ever take

Nor steal in our lives

It may have dealt us

With so much hardships

Took us a blow

In all aspects of our lives

But in the end

You have the moment

Were thy hearts 

Will always linger into

It may have took alot of years

Alot of efforts and struggles

With faith and love

It is all well worth IT

You made us all proud

Lift up high

Soar above

Make our dreams

A reality we always chase

Mama's presence is not absent

For wherever she is now

She'll always be part of

Of our lives

Of our beautiful journey

You made her proud

She'll be smiling up there

Where all the angels' sang

All their hands clasping in joy

Our hearts pumping

Our lives will always

Move Forward

Where God's loving hands

Will always Lead us

Guide us and Protect us

written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

17 February 2013
7:48 AM

Miracle

Life is full of surprises

Everyday you will meet 

MIRACLES of your life

In tiny and bits of pieces

Some were colorful

Some were just B & W

Sometimes it was huge

The least expected to come

In whatever ways

It was brought to us

By the loving kindness

Of our God our Creator

Our Redeemer

Always and Forever

It was back in my college days

When I felt HIS healing hands

Over me, thru Fr. Corsie

He touched me, prayed for me

There's something I felt

Light coming over me

He guide me through
To the Tabernacle

He offered and lead me

I stand there

Offering the best of all of me

Receiving back HIS Divine Grace

I walked back thru the pathway

People staring at me

People in awe! Amazed!

My mom & my auntie

Fascinated & overwhelmed

Once again, Father Lead me

He blessed me

So there I've received

My first ever Miracle

My leg got healed

I'd walk without pain

I'd walk like normal person

Steady, Steadfast

It opens up for renewed ME

I went back to be an Athlete

Again, all over again

Till College is done

It was overwhelming

For many few years

I haven't felt the pain

But I've overused it

In anyways, there's always 

LIMIT

I've pushed myself hard

To the very core of my liking

I ended up

Feeling more pains now

More than I could imagine

I've received

I've overused

I've learned

Miracles do happen

It needs nurturing

It needs caring

It needs love

At the end of it all

I am

God's Unique Child

He never abandoned me

He comforted me

He loved me

More than anyone

Could ever done

For that

I've received

My everlasting 

Miracle

Love of God

Light of God

Everlasting Life

written by:

Belle C. A. Hanzberj
16 February 2013
7:55 AM

Reality Check

29 years of living

It has been beautiful

There's the ups and downs

Who doesn't have?

I've had my moments

Of victories, of failures

My own defeats 

My own crowning glory

I've been fooled and

Had been a fool

I've been in love

Many times I did fall

But on all cases

I've been so broken

I've struggled enough

I've surpassed battles

Every after the other

With all these things

and moments I've lived

I've come to realized

How Precious I Am

Many has bullied me

Many has envied me

Many has loved me

I knew all these now

I've well appreciated all

What only few knows

In all those years

I've been in a shadow living

I've fought the fight

To be normal as I can be

To wash away the pains

Physically, emotionally

I've always tried to be

Stronger day by day

As the days gone by

I am getting older

Old enough to enjoy life

But I've to stop awhile

My younger years

Were filled of happy moments

Extremed, fulfilling adventures

But things change

I am not the active sporty gal

Anymore

Sadly I've to choose in between

My love for adventures or

My right leg and my life?

Time checked: 14 February 2013

My heart's saddened

My soul is calm

My life's heading to

New beginnings

That ONLY acceptance

Will let me to
MOVE FORWARD...



written by:
Belle C.A. Hanzberj
14 February 2013
12:03 AM

Embracing Changes

In this earthly life

Only changes are always constant

Things and people

Will always come and go

Nothing really stays forever

Every now and then

We have to let go

We have to move on

We have to step one foot forward

No backwards, No rewinds

Only and always 

FORWARD

Nothing is easy

Everything seems to be tough

But in all those hardships

We make a stand

We may struggle

Yet we fought hard

For its the best to do

No matter what

Of what will happen

Of what we'll become

It's always the life

We choose to live

We love to have

Life that's destined

To happen, to live for

Embracing changes

Is one key access

To be the person

You want to know

For what only stays

Is the love inside

No matter how many years

No matter how far off

No matter how change 

Truly change us

The heart will always know

Every beats and pieces

Of a loving heart

written by:

Belle C.A. Hanzberj

13 February 2013